Endgame
by on sleepless roads
Summary: Because it was always going to be you and her, anyway, so why give up? Companion piece to "Perfection", Puck's POV.


**Hi guys! This one took a little while for me to work on. I wanted to write this a few days after I wrote Perfection but I just never got around to it. But, anyway, here's Puck's version. I tried writing through the second person POV again because I liked it so much the first time. This one's much longer, too, hopefully it's not boring.**

**Tell me what you think! Your feedbacks would be very much appreciated ;)**

The first time she breaks up with you, the very first among the several break-ups you two will have over the years, you shrug and say you were going to break up with her, anyway, too.

You were lying.

She catches you off the guard that day at the bleachers. But she makes a point, you weren't stupid. She was in love with your best friend, you knew that. Plus, it wasn't like you were emotionally faithful to her, too, and _she_ knew that. She knew you had feelings for the same best friend's girlfriend and no, no one needed to tell you how god damned fucked up your lives were.

Still. You were surprised. No one breaks up with the Puckerone (with the exception of Santana, but that bitch still booty called you from time to time so she doesn't really count), _especially_ not Rachel freakin' Berry and _most especially_ not after you give up the game you love for her fucking glee club, for _her. _You thought that maybe, just maybe, that was supposed to fucking mean something. Berry seemed like the girl who's panties would drop for shit like that. But you don't tell her that. Why the hell would you?

So when you said you were going to break up with her anyway and she said you were lying? She hit the nail right on the head.

The second break up the two of you go through you'd like think of as inevitable. It was different from the first time you dated, longer too. But, again, you weren't stupid. You were a lazy ass jock whose form of conversations never _not_ include Super Mario or sexual innuendos, she was a straight-A student with a big heart with even bigger dreams. In what world did you deserve her? Besides, it was becoming too hard to keep up. You were never the type to give in much effort into anything and it's not like Berry was letting you past second base, anyway. It wouldn't be much to lose.

So you deal with it the best way you know how. You can never, ever forget that look on her face when she catches you making out with that Cheerio you couldn't even remember now. It wasn't a look of hurt, not really. It was more of embarrassment and disgust. You weren't satisfied.

So you target her insecurities because you know, even if she comes off all confident to her peers, she was still as insecure as that day in seventh grade when she looked around at all the girls and realized she was as flat as a surfboard. You tell her she's too _perfect_ and you know that does it. You just confirmed for her what she always thought in that pretty little head of hers, _she_ was the problem.

And that you were an asshole.

She doesn't talk to your for the rest of the year.

IOI

The moment, the exact moment, you realize you want her back is all kinds of messed up. You haven't talked in a year now, except for the small number of times the two of you would be partnered for a choreography in which case she had no choice but to communicate with you in some way (It was mostly eye rolls and nods just to acknowledge that she heard you. What the fuck.). You watch her a lot, you notice. You try not to do it, it's not like you willfully let your eyes wander to the side of the room where she always was. But, fuck, it just always happened. It's like she was the opposite side to a fucking magnet and his eyes were the other side. Completely crazy.

But you ignore it, whatever the hell it was that kept you drawn to her, for a while. It was nothing, you remember trying to convince yourself. She was hot, that was just it. But when during a dinner of mac and cheese your mom once again berates you into dating, marrying and having lots of babies with a nice Jewish girl, you find yourself thinking, for the first time in the thirteen years that she has been doing this, that hey, maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Then your mind goes to Rachel. And that shit? That's when you knew you were screwed.

"I'm sorry," you tell her when you corner her one Thursday afternoon after glee practice. She does a double take when she hears the words leave your lips. You're surprised yourself, honestly. You don't really have a plan, per se, you weren't like her, but you kind of just thought you'd kiss her senseless into taking you back.

After her initial shock, she looks like she was ready to murder you. She looks so angry that you thought she could castrate you right there in that choir room. So you commence Plan B instead, which, in your opinion, was a much better plan in the first place.

You kiss her senseless into taking you back.

IOI

She doesn't make it easy on you. It took a shitload of expensive dates and a declaration of intense like (No, you won't not say love. That shit was girly.) for her to fully give herself to you (in more ways than one). Technically, this was your third shot at a relationship with Rachel Berry and you would be lying if you say there weren't times when you'd ask yourself why you put you constantly endanger your life and your manhood by putting yourself in these kinds of situations.

But you watch her throw her head back in laughter at some skit on Saturday Night Live which you were watching with her on her couch, you hear her soft snore as she slowly drowns in her sleepiness, laying her head on your shoulder, you look at her sleepy eyes smile at you when you wake her up to tell her she should head up and yeah, you suddenly have a pretty good idea why you always end up choosing her.

You guys make it to graduation and by this time around, you have fully admitted to yourself that you are head over heels in love with Rachel Berry. You never tell her this because, well, you were you and you were an asshole. The night before graduation it hits you that she's flying all the way to New York in two weeks and you're going be stuck here and, while you have talked about the distance and how you were going to deal with everything months prior, that's all you did, talk with no actual plan on how to keep things up and you couldn't help but think the two of you were being childish. For the first time, it was you who needed a plan but if even _she_ couldn't think of one, what the fuck were the odds you would? No way would you make the long distance crap work, no one ever made that work. And you refuse to be on the receiving line of a Rachel Berry telephone break-up.

So you break up with her first, the day after graduation. You can tell by the way her eyes got all wide and small at the same time (you're not exactly sure how that happened) and the spilled tears that she wasn't expecting this. _Well, she should have_, you remember thinking. You're an asshole and not even almost a year of dating Rachel Berry could have changed that.

It breaks your heart when she doesn't even fight you.

Instead, she walks away. But, really, in actuality, when you look at it, it was you does the walking away. Fuck, it was always you.

IOI

It takes you two weeks into community college to realize you hate it there. So you work your butt off to leave that place, applying to colleges all over the state, hell, over the country, just to ditch Lima. It's hard work, you have to actually pull all nighters for studying and not for your other, usual…activities. You get into a few schools when you applied for your second year of college but none of which you actually want to go to and no scholarships, musical or athletic, to go with it. So you repeat the process the next year, only working harder and barely having a social life. You don't know how you survived it but you remember someone telling you you weren't and will never be a Lima loser.

So when the acceptance letter to colleges all over the country came, along with scholarships, you know exactly where you would be going come September.

IOI

The first time you see her after the break-up is that same year you decide you were going to go after her. It's been two years. She was home for the holidays, you got an early acceptance. The gleeks all get together for dinner and the first thing you thought was that, fuck yeah, you screwed up. Big time. And judging from the way she won't even look at you, you're betting a whole lot she won't be too keen on you following her all the way to New York. Or too keen on the idea of you existing, period.

You don't really know how it all happened, really, you wanting her back for the millionth time. You guess it was somewhere between deciding which colleges to apply to and thinking what the fuck do you have to show these people. Then your thoughts went to her, but it was always there so you couldn't really tell why this one's any different, and you remember the way she looked at you, like you actually meant shit to her, to the world. Then you knre, you just knew, that no one will ever look at you the way she does, _did,_and that as fucking cheesy as this sounds and you would deny ever even just thinking it (except to her, of course, you know, if she asks) but truth is, you don't want anyone else. You don't think you ever will.

The night goes by smoothly, to your surprise. She smiles and laughs but not quite the way you remembered. She answers all the questions thrown at her by Hummel expertly like she fucking rehearsed it (knowing her, she probably did) all except when he, being the nosy little man that he is, asked about boyfriends. Rachel just pretends to suddenly remember something, some shit about running into Jesse St. Douche, to successfully dodge the question. No one notices it. Except you because, well, she was Rachel and you always fucking notice.

You con the others into leaving ahead of you and Rachel so that the two of you could talk privately. You talk to a lot of them regularly, like Chang and Finn and Santana (yeah, just talk) and Artie and hell, even Quinn (apparently having a baby at 16 bonds you for, like, ever) so most of them know what's going on with you and your messed up plans. You know so she won't talk to you tonight, not if she could help it. So you watch Finn put his huge ass person in front of Rachel so everyone can leave the restaurant ahead of her and grin as Hummel, who was already half outside the place, asked Rachel if she could kindly retrieve the scarf he left on their table since she was nearest to it (except for you ). You think you have pretty kick-ass friends as you exit the place with Rachel on your side.

She, however, did not seem too pleased about the whole situation, she walked hurriedly to her car after saying her goodbyes to everyone with you trailing behind her.

You reach out for her and the bolt that you feel shoot across your whole body once your skin touches hers after two years isn't something you could ignore.

She turns to you, her eyes and tired and angry at the same time. She demands you to tell her what the hell was it you wanted from her.

"You got dumped or something in New York?" you ask, rudely. You want to push all her buttons, you want her to feel the same intensity you feel when she's there. Indifference was never a good thing when it came to Rachel Berry.

"That's none of your business," she tells you and all you want to say is _bullshit_ because the fuck it wasn't your business. _Endgame_, you remember Quinn saying when, during one of those nights you felt like more of a screw-up than usual, you asked her what was with his and Berry's relationship that you could never seem to get over. _You guys are endgame, everyone knows that. Well, except for you two but you guys are both crazy and stupid so…_

You want to tell her that. You almost tell her that. But you figure that won't really mean anything. If there was anything you've learned from this whole rollercoaster ride with Berry was that words mean nothing to her, ironically.

"Well, no, I guess," you lie "but I just wanted to know in case you wanted me to beat someone's ass up there." You can tell she was confused by what you just said. She opens her mouth to say something but closes it again. She eyes you for a moment and you don't say anything, you just look at her with that smirk you know drives her crazy.

"How would you do that?" she finally says, "You said it yourself, Noah. It's too far." Her words do the exact thing she wants them to. You feel the coldness of her words, her bitterness. But it the most messed up way, it makes you feel better. She wasn't over it, _you_, this was just more proof.

You decide to finally drop the bomb on her.

"I'm moving there."

You can't say you weren't a little hurt when she flies back to New York the next day, telling everyone except you.

IOI

But, really, if she thought that was enough to make you _not_ want to move to New York, she was crazier than what you already knew. You show up on her doorstep two days after school let out. You haven't talked to her since that winter night but you knew, from the gleeks she usually talked to, that she was plenty pissed about you moving in the same city as her. You expect that, of course. You know how much you hurt her before and that's why you're here, on her doorstep, despite her not wanting you to be.

You tell her you want to make it up to her that's why you were there. You apologize for being a jerk and for hurting her and even _you_ knew you didn't deserve another chance.

"But, somehow, for some fucked up reason, you love me. And I'm not letting you go."

"How do you know I still feel like that, Noah? For all you know, I could have met someone by now! Someone who treats me right and doesn't hurt me on purpose. Someone who knew from the start that it was _me _he wanted!"

You're taken aback a little by her words. You try to imagine someone else kissing her, someone else holding her, someone else making her scream…

But Quinn's words ring in your ear, _endgame_, and you just know that, even if there was someone (there wasn't, she tells you after a while of your stay), it wouldn't matter. It was you and her, always.

So you kiss her and she pushes you off but, you know, for a second there, she was kissing you back. So you don't feel so bad as you walk back to your own apartment after vowing to her that she wasn't going to get rid of you that easy.

IOI

It takes you a while to get her back. There are a lot of fighting and screaming, anger driven make out sessions, long talks and finally, fucking finally, getting back together. You don't think you've ever been his happy. One, because you were with her and two, because you're not such a fuck up this time around.

You still argue, of course you still do. You wouldn't be Puck and Rachel if you didn't. In fact, it was in the middle of an argument that you tell her you love her for the first time. You break up almost every other month, only to get back together in less than a week, sometimes even less than a day. This goes on for _years. _You propose to her six years after getting back together. No one was surprised when Rachel calls everyone to tell them the good news. Your whole relationship was fucked up, but, somehow, with her being Rachel and you being you, everything always gets better.

Like it was always _meant_ to be get better.

So when she jilts you on your wedding day, you're so fucked up by what happened you feel like jumping off a bridge. This wasn't how things were supposed to go, she was supposed to show up. For the first time ever, it's _her_ that surprises you with a break-up, or a no-show, or whatever the fuck people wanted to call it.

You get away that same night. You leave fucking New York because that city was all her. You can't stay there. You don't talk to anyone for two months. You just drink, and drink more until you can't remember how she looks like, how she sounds like, how she feels like…

Finn comes out to look for you after two months. He's your best friend so, somehow, he figures out where you are with his bro instincts. He hits you on the back of your head because you refuse to listen to him when he tells you to get your life back together.

He tells you Rachel wouldn't have wanted this. He said it like she fucking died or something.

You tell him you don't give a fuck anymore what Rachel wanted. She gave up the right to have a say in his life when she didn't show up two months ago.

"She was just scared, man." He tells you and your eyes meet his in an instant.

"You've talked to her?" _How is she?_ You stop yourself from asking.

"I haven't, but she called Quinn a week after your almost wedding and Quinn told me."

"What the fuck was she scared of?" He had to ask because they've been together for the past _years_ and she never once told him anything about being scared.

"Of everything. You and her, you never had the most conventional relationship. And she was scared of, and I quote Quinn who quoted Rachel on this, life getting the better of the both of you in the future."

"So she quit while she was ahead?" you ask, angrily. You want to throw something in rage. Was that all you were to her? After everything you've been through, really?

"It's not like that, dude. You know Rachel, she wouldn't do that."

"But she did." You conclude for him because even after so much explanation, at the end of the day, she still didn't show up.

"You guys have been through a lot and-"

"-and, apparently, that never meant shit to her."

"You know that's not true and can you let me finish? I'm saying you guys have been though a lot and you always, _always,_ take each other back. Now, I know this is different, but, I just think that, you guys have given too much to _not_ try even more. You guys owe yourselves that, I think."

IOI

Finn's words get to you. Of course it does. It takes you a month of trying to get everything back in place before you look for her. Apparently, you weren't the only who couldn't stay in New York. It takes you a while, two months, to be exact. But you find her, you always find her.

You find her in Lima, of all places. Of course you looked there first but she wasn't there the first time. This time, however, she was. She entered the coffee shop and without having to turn around, you knew you found her.

She looks different, tired and lonely. All you've heard about her in the past six months was that she was out of New York, never staying in one place after that. So you're guessing she was living the life she never wanted, one of uncertainness. You don't know if you're to blame for that.

She seems surprised when you talk to her. She must have thought you were still angry but you're not, not anymore. Maybe it's called growing up, or maturing or whatever the hell, but you've forgiven her a long time ago.

"I'm sorry, Noah," she tells you and you shake your head at her. You tell her you've been looking for her and she hasn't made it easy. She laughs a little and you're think you've missed that laugh. A lot.

She asks you why.

"I'm not that easy to get rid of, Berry. After going through hell and back with you, you really think I'd give up so easily?"

She smiles up at you and you have this feeling it's been a while since her smile was that real. It's been a while since you've had this feeling in your chest, too.

IOI

It takes a while for things to get better again. Like every other thing in your relationship, it took some work. But you work on it, both of you. You talk about the things that went wrong and you strengthen everything that was right. You don't propose again until two years, when the two of were sure that there was nothing that could get in the way again. She says yes.

The funny thing was, even after everything you've gone through with her, cheating and break-ups and college and almost weddings, you never doubted, even for one second, that the two of you weren't _endgame._

Because, of course, you were. You'd beat the shit out of anyone who disagrees.


End file.
